My Teen Never Wants to Leave Her Room. This is What I Did to Get Through

When I had my daughter, I promised myself that I'd always be by her side and help her through everything, the best I can.

But now that she's a teenager and constantly cooped up in her room, I wonder how I break through the walls, physical and invisible, to get through to her anymore.

I'm sure parents out there have felt the same with their teens. There's either too much backtalking or none at all, and to top it off, it's like there's a grey cloud floating over their heads at all times.

When I ask her if she's okay, she says she's fine and she's annoyed why everyone else at home seems to feel like something's not right with her.

I know what she's going through in part, as I wasn't the perfect teenager when I was one myself. Based on my own experience, this is what I've started to do to get through to her.

These tips might be useful for you too.

I Took a Nap in Her Room

Now, this might seem like the hardest bit to do, but trust me on this. Your teen sees their room as their safe space, where they can probably finally be alone with their thoughts.

There's also another saying, an empty mind is the devil's workshop.

Now, not to jump into the extreme side of things, if you look at it from their perspective, you banging on their door, to them, involves more than them just opening the door to you.

What they see is a parent who's probably going to quiz them on a bunch of things, drill them on a bunch of other stuff, and then finally try and nag them on things they already know (but didn't bother to do).

Would you want to open that door and face that barrage which is incoming?

No.

It'd be easier to get your teen to open the door under the guise of wanting to just crash out in their room, and while that move may be an unorthodox one, it worked for me.

I knocked at her door, and said that I needed to take a short nap. She said that she was about to game with her friends online, and I told her that's fine.

I took a nap, didn't bother observing her too much as she played and had fun, and saw another side to her I rarely see.

She was happy, she was joking around with friends her age, and the biggest accomplishment was yes, she was having fun.

In her own zone. With me around and no, I wasn't an obstacle.

Maybe a white elephant in her room, BUT not an overbearing mom.

When she was done, she came and lied next to me and we spoke. ACTUALLY spoke. She said that school work is manageable, but she needed me to help with a few chapters in Math.

I said okay. We joked about stuff which happened the week before. We laughed and hugged.

And once again, she was my baby girl in my arms.

Other Things I'm Doing to Keep the Communication Going

I knock on her door more often, and sometimes it's just to crash on her bed and watch reels. I call her over and we laugh on the funny ones.

I also remind her that we need to shop for stuff every month which she needs, and sometimes that quality one-to-one parent-teen time makes a whole lot of difference too.

I take note of how she is with her school lunchboxes and pack stuff she'd like on purpose, just for her, at times.

These small steps show her that I love her, appreciate her, and notice the things she does. And in her own way, she reciprocates.

She fills up my multivites in my weekly box. She reminds me of things she'd know I'd forget.

She is, after all, a part of me and knows me well too. Which is precisely what a parent-child relationship needs to grow into.

One where we know we can lean into each other, and at other times, be there but give space to one another, too.

Photo: Nguyễn Tiến Thịnh / Pexels.